A Tribute To The Ranger

Today I had to deal with the loss of one of my oldest friends, the beloved Ranger. Although I know he is in a better place with almost any other driver in the entire world, I mourn his loss greatly. I will never forget the way he blasted his piping hot heat in my face, the way he ran over curbs without even flinching, and the way he took it like a champ every time I ran his delicate little head into a pole.

With the exception of all the times he has broken down in the middle of the road, causing other drivers to threaten my life and the way he always seemed to be selfishly guzzling the gas I fed him, he never betrayed me.

We have been through so much together.

Like the time Felisha rammed her car right into the back of us on the way to happy hour and my only concern was missing happy hour…

oops. [her face kills me every time I look at it.]

And the time I ran into the pole at the bank but didn’t bother to check the damage until after driving all the way back home. 

Sorry buddy.

And of course, the death threats I received from my alleged inability to park him. Something along the lines of “If you park like this one more time I will kill you, you stupid sorority bitch.”

I treated him like a Prince because that is what he was and I can only pray his next owner will be as kind to him.

RIP RANGER

From 2005-2013.

You are gone but you will not be forgotten.

Shine bright like a diamond.