Hello there old friends. Well, America has asked --- or at least 4 Americans have asked, and I am back in action. For today at least. Also I was lying about the free stuff.
I haven’t blogged in a solid 2 months so as you can imagine, a lot has changed in my life. I would go so far to say that I’m a whole new woman. What has changed, you ask?
1. I popped out 4 babes with 4 separate baby daddies. I was fairly certain one of them wasn’t mine so I kicked him to the curb after a few hours of desperately trying to connect with him. The other three didn’t make it past the first 3 weeks. I assumed raising a babe would be very similar to raising a dog but boy, was I wrong. I will try again in a few years but in the meantime, I’m 100% open to babysitting your children to get a little practice in so I’m fully prepared next time. Fair warning, if your child cries while I’m knee deep in double fisting vodka, there’s little to no chance I will tend to the babe immediately. Rest assure, I will chug my drinks quickly though. This is bound to teach your kiddos a lesson in patience so you can thank me by paying me a little extra. (Email me for babysitting requests. Hurry though, I suspect I will book up quickly)
2. I was recently voted “Fitness Queen 2013” which was completely flattering and totally well deserved. While normally I don’t like to brag about my accomplishments, I felt this was worth disclosing since it was an award given to me by the President of the United States. Or at least somebody who looked a lot like him. In hindsight, it may have been more of a flyer than an award.
3. I started a new job and was promoted within just a few days to a window washer. At first I was a little taken aback as window washing seemed to be a few steps below me but when I got my uniform and name tag, I knew I was just a step away from being CEO. As you can guess, I’m totally killing it. I get addressed a few times a day about leaving too many streaks in the windows and sometimes I get scolded for making faces in the foggy windows but other than that, I think they are really pleased with what I’m doing and I go to sleep at night knowing I made the world a better place.
4. While this may come as a shock as I’m just one step away from having full ownership of my new company, the window washing gig does not pay well. I’ve been kicked out of my apartment and am looking for a new place to reside. I’m not super dirty and I only have 3 pets; 2 alive, 1 stuffed. The live ones are super easy to maintain but the stuffed one is a surprisingly lively little sucker so if you are open to sharing your bed with all four of us, we can move in immediately. We prefer king size beds as we do have standards but at this point, we are open to queen or even a full + a twin. Garden tub mandatory and that’s obvious. (Side note, if the cat is a deal-breaker for you, I totally understand and I can make do without. The dog and the stuffed squirrel are non-negotiable however.)
take us or leave us. but please take us.
That’s all I got for today folks.
OH I also tweet now : kmayt17 . throw me a bone there. Only have 20 followers.