Cat Try Outs

PETA, steer clear.

Getting a pet is a real commitment and not one that should be taken lightly. Although I am not yet a parent, I assume pet ownership is about the same if not exactly equal to the burdens of parenting except when you pop out a kid, you are stuck with them for life but when you get a pet, you reserve the right to try before you buy.

My senior year of college, I was living with a friend and we were both feeling pretty lonely so we decided we needed a pet around the house. Dogs were way too much work and fish are downright terrifying so we figured cats would be the best bet. Obviously we had to get one each to avoid any jealousy or conflict so we did our fair share of research (picked up a newspaper and called the first ad we saw that was offering free kittens) and ended up at some filthy slob’s house only to find 10+ cats roaming around.

Liz called dibs on a cute little rascal which she named Bear and still has to this very day and left me with nothing but black cats to choose from. Obviously I didn’t want a black cat one percent but I also didn’t want to go home empty handed so I swiped up the best of my options and named him Seven. (A great name which he tainted)

I don’t appreciate potty humor or vulgarities of any sort so I won’t get into the details of why Seven wasn’t the right fit but I will share this depiction my friend drew and hope you can put the clues together yourself. (I apologize in advance.)

MAKE IT STOP.

Long story short, we couldn’t have that kind of  cat on cat harassment in our home so we kept searching for the right kitten, keeping Seven to compare them side by side. We found Eight quickly after and he was clearly demon possessed so we kicked him to the curb only a few days later. The actual curb. In the rain. Judge if you want but he was trying to kill us, I tell you.

Unfortunately, Eight came clawing his way back into my home the moment I opened up the door the next day and remained hidden for days after that.

Meanwhile, just when I was starting to give up, we found an advertisement online for a white little feline angel which I immediately staked my claim on. I brought him home  and quickly realized, based on looks alone, that there was no comparison so Seven and Eight had to get the boot.

Seven, Eight and Nine.

The next day, my roommate and I stood outside a Kroger screaming “FREE CATS,"  [Side note: this is a great way to pick up men] handed off the rejects to anyone who would take them and I went home to sweet little Nine.

Worst. Decision . Ever.   Turns out I am just not a cat person.


Seven and Eight, you really lucked out.
Nine, you are stuck with me for life.