Thursday, January 17, 2013

Sure-Fire Signs You Are Going To Die Alone

There comes a time in every girl’s life when they realize the best times in life are behind them and that it’s all going downhill from there. Unfortunately for me, that time is now, at the ripe age of 26 years old.

Here are some sure-fire signs that you, too are going to die alone:

1.    You get invited to dinner at 8 pm and decline because you can’t drink liquids after 7 pm due to your overactive bladder. Instead, you end up eating chocolate pudding because it’s both a liquid and a solid, killing 2 birds with one stone.
2.    You are very seriously considering getting a catheter for daily use.
3.    You panic when you realize it’s 9:30 and you are nowhere close to being in bed… Even on the weekends.
4.    You rank your dog in your list of top five friends.

5.    You pop a sleeping pill at 9 pm on a Friday night, WHILE you have guests over.
6.   The only thing you have to look forward in life is next week's episode of Parenthood.
7.    Your guests fall asleep on your couch while you are in the middle of telling a story that only you find hilarious but you continue to tell the story to your cat anyway, cracking up the entire time.
8.    Your guests wake up from their nap and complain of having cat hair in the throat.

Forgive his poor spelling, English is not his first language.

Anyway, better get going - my bladder is on the verge of exploding.


Stephanie said...

Le sigh. I love my dog. and chocolate pudding. But me dying alone is currently no secret.

Kendall said...

Number 3, all the way!

Anonymous said...

We can pretty much relate on numbers 3, 4, and 5... Sad life.

Kathleen said...

LOVE this post! New follower!