Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Adios 2012

Hello there!

First and foremost,

We mean it.

My NYE was definitely not incredible; I woke up on my death bed and the day went downhill from there so I’m hoping that it’s not a sign for a terrible year to come.
Let’s recap, shall we?:

December 31, 2012 // NYE:
I wake up with a sore throat so naturally I assumed I would be dying before the clock struck midnight. No such luck.

Riley has zero respect for my illness and is jumping all over the place like I picked her up straight from the wild. She jumps around so much she begins to vomit. In like 6 different spots in my apartment. What.a.selfish.asshole. If this is what having kids is like, I hope I’m infertile.

I decide to take her to doggy daycare so she will get off my back and when I go down to turn on my car, it does not start.  My ranger is a complete gem so this is a shocker for me.

Aren’t you shocked it would cause me problems slash a little jealous of my wealth? It’s in mint condition so lemme know if you wanna buy it.
Anyway, moving on. Kendall came and picked us up so I could drop Riley off and I went back home only to find my toilet has overflowed in the bathroom. Awesome.

I finally get a little nap in and wake up to start getting ready to celebrate despite my deadly illness and pale white bod. Luckily, after about 6 glasses of vodka and sprite, I was starting to feel a lot better. Around the same time, our cab driver calls and tells us that he is here but when we walk outside, there is only an unmarked and slightly ghetto looking car awaiting us.

“Are you with the cab service??”
“Yes, why else would I be here?”
“Why is your car unmarked, do you have any IDs?”
“No, do you need a ride or not?”
[Kendall and I discuss…]
“Yeah we will take it!”

We are two level headed ladies as you can clearly tell. Fifteen minutes into the cab ride (we were having to give him directions the whole time) he had mentioned the word “rape” at least twice which made us feel a lot more at ease.

When we finally arrived at our destination, the “cab driver” refused to let us out until we had given him the names and addresses of each of our family members. We assumed he had a legitimate reason for asking this and we really wanted to get our dance on, so we obliged.

Untrue to his promise, he still did not let us out and instead pressed the gas and kept on driving so I took off my high heel and stabbed him in the neck with it until he finally pulled over and I kicked him out of his own car.

My favorite heels were blood soaked when we finally arrived at the party but we danced the night away anyway and I drove home in my brand new unmarked cab car.

Here's to wishing 2013 will be better. Let's not get our hopes up.


Laura at Brunch with Laura said...

You're kidding, right?!

Wow. What a crazy new year's!!!

(formerly Simply Lowcountry)

Kendall said...

Personally, I'm feeling quite grateful we survived the evening!

Sami said...

So I was like omg what a terrible day for the first half of the story and then I laughed out loud and was like waitttt she can't be serious. Too funny! Happy New Year :)

Anonymous said...

I still laugh when people think you're being serious hahah I really love you, and your blog of course.

Corin said...

To say that you are entertaining is a tad of an understatement- following you! :) And OH LOOK! I just became your 100th follower- congrattsss!


smk053078 said...

So, when are you starting your first novel???? You are a mess and I love it!