Harassment In The Work Place

I'll be the first to admit that my hair isn't always looking it's best but the precautions my coworkers have taken to avoid looking at me during the work day are just downright offensive:

After complaining of being lonely, he threw me a bone:

Sadly, this isn’t the first time I have had to take this kind of harassment at work so I’ve recently taken it upon myself to start harassing them back.  Some of my favorite harassment teqniquik teqniques techniques (SWEET JESUS that word is hard to spell):

1.    Asking your coworkers extremely personal details about their life. Examples: “Are you and your husband working on making a baby yet?” / “Which room do you guys typically practice the baby making? Living room? Room?” / “If you weren’t married, would you try to be with me?” / “What are your religious beliefs?” (insert answer) “That is, hands down, the dumbest religion I have ever heard of.” 
2.    Asking pregnant women at the office if they are open to giving you their babe once it pops out.
3.    Taking out your phone and, as obviously as possible, take a photo of your coworker randomly.
4.    Knocking on the stall to a bathroom that is clearly in use and asking how long it will be even though there are several other open stalls available.
5.    Kissing your coworkers shoulders ever so lightly as you walk past them.

Happy Friday, America.