FREE CAT!

Hello friends. I really slacked off quite a bit last week on my blogging and I would love to make it up to you today by offering you something you absolutely will not be able to live without. This is something that will be incredibly hard for me to part with but because I care about you so very dearly, I will deal with the pain and sorrow.

I am here today to offer you my sweet, sweet cat, Nine. (Read about how he got his name here.)

This adorable little prize comes with so many perks! First and foremost, he is one lazy bastard so you won’t have to worry about playing with him at all. In fact, I should warn you that you probably should not attempt to play with him unless you enjoy getting bit really, really hard. He’s joking, obviously so if/when he bites you, please don’t judge him or punish him; just laugh it off and then make an appointment with your doctor immediately as he does have a slight case of Rabies.

 

Another little perk that Nine offers is the extra layer of fur your clothes will undoubtedly have on them at all times. It’s very fashionable, really and employers/significant others love it! In the event you don’t like white cat hair all over your work attire, which is highly unlikely, you may attempt to bring your clothes to the drycleaner where they will likely be rejected on the spot no matter how much extra you offer to pay. Not even the high powered vacuums at the car wash will help you out in this case so I suggest you just start seeing the cat hair for what it really is: a fashion statement. Others may be behind the curve on this trend but they will catch up once they see how you rock it.

One of my all-time favorite things that Nine does, that I’m fairly certain you too will enjoy is the way he always seems to find the room in the house that echoes the most and meows at the very top of his lungs while you sleep. Please do not depend on him as an alarm clock as he only does this in the middle of the night. There's nothing better to wake up to in my book.

I will warn you though, he’s slightly high maintenance. He requires regular feedings which, if neglected will result in hours of loud meowing and occasionally some face-biting. In the event you are out of cat food, you may consider feeding him other foods such as dog food, apples, toothpaste, old chicken or canned green beans but I can assure you that he won’t even bother to try them. In this situation, it is best to keep him in a small, sound-proof box until you are able to get the appropriate food. He will likely come out very angry so beware.

If you notice him panting like the picture below, he is most likely dehydrated because you have neglected to give him water. Don’t beat yourself up about it, simply open your toilet and he will be good to go.

If nothing else, he works great as a dog toy! Riley loves chewing on his head and I enjoy watching so it’s a win-win for all parties. With that being said, he is now missing just one ear but I can assure you, it only makes him cuter!

To win, simply comment below and the lucky winner will be chosen randomly. I will throw him in a pillow case and deliver him to your home personally because I truly do care about my readers! No background check required.