The first piece of advice I received when I started this blog was to not blog drunk. This has proven to be fairly difficult for me as 99% of my free time is spent under the influence of alcohol but because I take this blogging business very seriously, I am coming to you today with only 3 mimosas and a half of bottle of wine in my system. You are welcome.
Kendall and I went to brunch today expecting a little peace and quiet to dive into each other’s religious and political views as well as plan our next community service project; the agenda of any typical Sunday Funday I assume. Immediately after arriving however, we realized we were quickly becoming way too famous to have our “typical Sunday Funday.” The fact is, we both started a blog on the same day and immediately became internet celebrities. The facts are the facts, guys and as you can tell by now, I only report the truth.
I am embarrassed to announce that immediately upon walking into the incredibly crowded bar, we were offered free food, seats, marriage proposals and even parent’s most unloved children. (Note: The most unloved child in my family used to be me until last week when I achieved internet fame. Hey mom and dad! You have to love me now suckers!)
After telling management we would prefer to dine in private, we were immediately escorted into a private room with a full staff of 52 employees willing to provide us with anything our hearts desired but being the extremely low maintenance women that we are, our hearts only desired a few alcoholic drinks and some quesadillas.
About fifteen minutes into our conversation, President Obama (exhibit A for those who are unfamiliar) came and joined us at our table. As you can imagine, we were completely shocked. Who does he think he is? We are trying to enjoy a little Sunday Funday action and this guy thinks he can just chime right in our conversation? False, sir! Never going to happen! We are no snobs but we have standards, damn it.
Needless to say, Obama was trying to kick ole Michelle to the curb and put a ring on our fingers instead but we are way too classy to accept an offer of the sort so we politely declined. Meanwhile, I was able to jack ole boy’s phone to inform his wife of his scandalous ways and she arrived quickly after to confront and divorce his shady ass. You are hearing it here first, Americans. Obama and Michelle are no longer. Kasey, Kendall and Obama are in office now. (We later took the offer, don’t judge us)
I write this entry only to tell you this: If you are in a relationship where you feel abused or not wanted, please report it. Michelle has nothing but time on her hands now and would love to help out! Michelle.Obama@Icouldntbelonlierifitried.com
PS: If this entry offends you, steer clear. I am wildly inappropriate.