Something very fishy is going on and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
It started this morning when I had to wake up to my alarm clock rather than the band of shirtless men that typically serenade me from outside my window. I wasn’t too alarmed at first because I just assumed they were all killed in a tragic car accident on their way over so I moved along with my day.
Later however, I got into my truck in which I could swear that I had just filled to the very brim ($7 dollars worth) with gas yesterday, was on EMPTY?!
WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THIS? I WILL FIND YOU.
Later on, I went home during my lunch break only to find my AC had been adjusted mysteriously while I was out. Now, I am not 100% sure on this one because I will admit, those little suckers are extremely hard to read but I will say that I am positive that my apartment wasn’t that cold when I left it this morning. Furthermore, on the same lunch break, Nine was begging for attention as usual but this time I found him shockingly irresistible?
Somebody obviously drugged me.
Last but certainly not least, I interviewed the most attractive IT professional in the DFW area today and I wasn’t looking my best but I wasn’t looking my worst so I went for the kiss instead of the handshake and got rejected. Some shady business is happening, I tell you.
A great example of “not looking my best but not looking my worst”
After a day like this, one can only assume that some gang of drug using teenagers hot-wired my truck, ran over my whole devoted wake up crew, reversed and backed over said crew again, returned my truck on E, waited for me to go to work, broke into my apartment specifically to boost my electricity bill for this month, drugged me and then drugged my breathtakingly beautiful candidate.
I’m on to you, suckers.